Let's Fashion Talk

How many times have we made the excuse "I'm not going to buy any new clothes until I lose weight?" Regardless of whether the blame rests with old-fashioned frugality or the failure to accept our current bodies, most of us have purposefully worn clothing that wasn't flattering, didn't fit, or was showing signs of wear because we didn't want to shell out the cash for something new in a size we hoped would only be temporary. However, what we don't realize when we relegate ourselves to these old, unflattering clothes is that we are damaging our already fragile self-esteem. It's not enough to be unhappy with our bodies, but now we're going to wear awful clothes too?

In 2007, a lifetime of poor diet habits combined with a medication error to skyrocket my weight to 210 pounds, and I was happy if I could squeeze into a size 16. All of my clothes were from my size 12 days and hung abandoned in my closet, collecting dust and serving as an accusatory reminder of how much weight I had gained. Cheap yoga pants and baggy tee shirts were the staples of my pathetic wardrobe because I was adamant about not buying any clothing in my current size. It would only be a month or so before those size 12s fit again, I reasoned.

Every day, I purposefully avoided the mirror because staring at my now foreign body clad in ratty clothes escalated the depression to a whole new level. Buying new clothes in a size that actually fit me meant recognizing that I might stay at this current weight long enough to wear them, and I was petrified of acknowledging that possibility. Refusing to buy clothes at my new size acted as a psychological buffer, which prevented me from fully accepting my weight gain and enabled self-loathing instead of self-love.

After three months, the scale taunted me by rejecting my pleas to concede even a single pound. Enough was enough. The beginning of the school year was imminent, and I refused to attend class in my old clothes. Grudgingly, I headed for the mall and bought a small wardrobe that fit me and flattered my figure. Then something unexpected happened.

I didn't fear the mirror. I was still unhappy with my weight, but I was dressing my body to make the most of my best features. Already people asked if I was on the winning side of the Battle of the Bulge, and my battered self-esteem was recovering from the onslaught I had inflicted upon it. The need to lose the weight became less immediate, and instead of crash dieting, I focused on making healthier, longer-lasting choices.

Finally, I achieved a victory: the number on the scale decreased. Within four months of dressing for my current body, I lost thirty pounds. My cheekbones were making an appearance again, and I was back in my size 12s. Stressing about my body was something I did infrequently, and I even started to feel (dare I say it?) sexy and desirable.

Next on the agenda: hair and makeup. For the first time in nearly ten years, I got a real haircut. Chopping off my long mermaid hair into a soft manageable bob, empowered me to experiment with eye shadow, mascara, and foundation. The scale lost its foothold over me, and I felt comfortable enough in my own skin to develop a sense of personal style. Jeans and tee shirts had been my uniform for most of my life, but now, with the encouragement of my friends, I was trying pencil skirts, button-fronts, and even high heels. My style evolved from feminized tomboy to femme fatale.

With the help of my friends here, I built a more manageable wardrobe that formed the basis of many perfect outfits all of which made my heart sing with happiness when worn. After a protracted struggle, I finally found the joy of fashion. Banished were the days of doubting the power of clothing, and I relished trying something new. Every day, I looked forward to getting dressed, and the mirror and I finally arrived at an amicable state of coexistence.

Flash forward: As of today, I am 145 pounds and wear a size 6/8. While my body image issues raise their ugly heads occasionally, by and large, I've come to terms with and love my body. Fashion transformed me in every possible sense. Buying clothes in my proper size gave me the gentle, subtle encouragement I needed to lose weight. Exploring trends and embracing new experiences nurtured an evolution of style and personality. My willingness to experiment with clothing made me more open to experience and fostered a sense of individuality. Taking that first albeit hardest step and buying clothes in the size I loathed ultimately gave me the courage to love and accept myself for who I am and to never look back.

-- written by Siepres